S.S.D.Y

A new year has rolled and I wasn't reflecting on the past year a few minutes into 2012 as that genius movie, Inception just started on HBO. I did my reflection somewhere around the time when Leo was showing Ellen Page her first taste of mind-bending reality.

It only took me a few seconds to do my past year reflection as I knew it wouldn't bring me much good to do it. It was also a testament of how powerful human brain was in processing a year's worth of data and getting to the conclusion.

I knew that 2011 was another disappointment, so I didn't need to relive all the negatives in life.

So here we are now in 2012, whether we're living it just day-to-day or going through the motion or whatever shit it is, we just hope and pray for the best.

At least if it's still going to be a bad year, we don't need to be sad about it just in case the fearmonger was right.

not so smart

I keep seeing more toddlers and kids transfixed to a tablet computer or smartphone while they're having their meals or being spoon-fed. I'm not sure whether it's the same when they're in their homes or only in public places. In my opinion, it's not a good thing to do. Does it mean that they won't eat without the tablet or phone? Whatever happens to the good ol' days of concentrating to your meals?

If the parents did it because that's the only way their kids would sit happily for a meal, then for me they're just taking the easiest way out.

It's not just children who are affected with tablet or smartphone. One can only look at the seated passengers in a morning train. Almost all of them look down at their smartphones, either playing games or watching movies.

However, the most tragic sight is when a couple seated for their meal are busy looking down at their smartphones instead paying attention to each other.

Is your partner very boring that you need to keep yourself interested through games? Is updating your Farmville or Restaurant Story a matter of life & death that it can't wait after the meal is over?

We have to admit that technology changes a lot of things in our lives. It's supposed to make our lives better instead of making it worse. If playing games on your phones is preferable than talking to your partner or parents, then what's the use of having another person in your life? One has to draw a line when personal interaction is required in his/her life, and when to keep the phones in their pocket.

Personally, I'm not tempted to upgrade to smartphones or tablets. I resist the urge because I don't need it. I don't need to browse all the time, I listen to music through my MP3 player, and I don't need to play games every time. I only need my mobile to make & take calls, send SMS, and take pictures.

But I finally used a smartphone after my old & reliable mobile was finally out of service. I did it because there wasn't any standard mobile that's up to my liking, and I also felt that smartphone is the future, whether I like it or not. I upgraded, tried to accept it, and the only good thing about it was that it made waiting less boring. That's the only benefit of having a smartphone for me until today.

So the next time we're talking or eating and I smash your phone with my baseball bat, you'll know why I do that.

on oversharing

I've been very grumpy for the last several months, and things that I encountered in life didn't help my temperament either. One of the things that I usually do to take a break from the rage is to go to social networking site. However, lately it only makes it worse.

My biggest issue is with the News Feed. Even though, I don't need to deal with useless game invitation anymore, the problem now moves to people within my Friends List. These friends overflow my News Feed with all aspects of their lives. Including some that I don't think are not necessary, unimportant to others, and even bordering on oversharing. It's too much information, people!

Goddamit, I don't need to know where you check in EVERY HOUR. I don't need your "wise" quotes EVERY 10 MINUTES. I don't need to see the same picture taken from multiple angles. I don't need to see what you wear and what's on your face EVERYDAY. And I certainly don't need to know the story of your love life. Yeah you've been rejected/dumped/got into a fight. Boo hoo. Move on, you're not the only one. It's too bad that you haven't realized that life sucks. I've had enough drama in my life, and if I want to see more drama, I'd go to the cinema and pay for it.

All of these make me feel like a voyeur and I'm really not comfortable with it. Don't people respect or have a need for privacy anymore? Life is private and social networking doesn't mean you have to be "social" in every part of your life.

The worst case was when one of my friends was tagged in a picture of a woman breastfeeding her son. If the picture is discreet and cover things that should be covered, it should be fine. But it's not, and it's almost a full blown XXX picture. The guy who posted the picture should be court-martialed and then executed for idiocy.

Previously, this pet peeve is not an issue, because there's a feature where one has an option to hide updates from people that they don't want to see. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I gleefully put several names on that list. I don't have the heart to unfriend them, because even though they're not really close with me, I once interacted with them in my life.

I have even contemplated to cancel my account altogether. But I still have the need to interact with my friends, and the site is a convenient way to keep in touch with them.

When I can't really stand it anymore, the last resort would be to sort out my List, unfriend the worst repeat offenders, or enroll myself in an anger management course. It's not a bad idea to tell everyone that you join anger management course as your Status Update. It's surely not over sharing, right?

another decision time

The idea grew overnight. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that I don't have the patience nor the passion to stay longer to do it. Examples from the last couple of months only strengthen the notion.

This whole idea of being in the rat race is really inevitable and you're always on the lookout for greener pasture. But will the pasture be actually greener? Will it be better? Will it make me happy? Can I really get it?

Another decision to ponder. Another gamble to take.

on daring the devil

I need to make one thing clear. I'm NOT an adrenaline junkie. But I love whitewater rafting, am longing to go bungee jumping, try the most challenging roller coaster, and do skydiving. I can't really explain why I want to do it, other than there's something inside me that's dying to try that out.

When I was in Bali, I almost went to A.J. Hackett to do my bungee jumping there, until the wife said that she'd let me do it only after I left her 100 billion rupiahs in her bank account. I sulked because she wouldn't accept installment either.

Even when we were in Movie World Gold Coast, she didn't allow me to try Batwing Spaceshot and Superman Escape. Superman Escape is just a normal roller coaster, while Batwing Spaceshot is probably more exciting because the riders will be shot 60 metres up and then going back down again.

Therefore, I rejoiced when Universal Studios Singapore announced that their main attraction would be a dueling Battlestar Galactica roller coaster. I drooled while reading the news and imagining what it's like to be strapped in that seat and have your world turned upside down for 3 minutes. I was happy because it's closer to home and I could go by myself.

However, a couple of weeks after they opened the park, they had to close the roller coaster as one of the seats fell down during their morning test. So they suspended its operation indefinitely until they've fixed the issue.

That's why I was a bit disappointed when I finally went to Universal Studios Singapore with my sister's family last year. I played all the attractions with my brother-in-law & nephew, and there's nothing challenging for me. The closest thing was when I tried the Canopy Flyer in the Jurassic Park area. Something didn't feel right when you're hanging 30m above the ground and your feet couldn't feel anything solid beneath them.

Then, we arrived at Revenge of The Mummy. My sister wanted to come along until the usher told her to store her bags in the locker room. She didn't want to do that, so she decided to stay behind and wait for us. In hindsight, it was a correct decision.

The three of us climbed the stairs and queued inside the mock pyramid complete with spiderwebs, fake sarcophagus, mummified Pharaohs, and lights from iPhone. I didn't know the Egyptians loved their iPhones so much.

When it's our turn to board the roller coaster, my brother-in-law, who only joined the ride because his son asked him to, asked to sit at the back of the ride as he said it'd have the least impact. So we followed him and sat at the last row. We're still joking and laughing when suddenly the roller coaster drop backwards making us the first and the worst to feel the impact.

All hell broke loose and we all screamed like there's no tomorrow. It's a non-stop twist and turn that I can understand what Sir Alex Ferguson meant when he said Ryan Giggs could make defenders have twisted blood. The complete darkness only made it worse because we couldn't anticipate what's next coming our way to lessen the impact. It felt like forever and there were times when I wanted to open the straps and jumped out of the ride.

I didn't think I could be happier when the ride was finally over. My 6-year old nephew, whom I admit is braver than me, was very quiet; a sign that the ride was also terrifying for him.

The final insult, however, was displayed after the Exit door. There's a small stall showing the automated pictures of us while we were in the roller coaster. I managed to find one picture of us in which my nephew was white as a paper, my brother-in-law was somewhere between losing his mind and collapsed, and that was me with mouth open as wide as the universe and eyes almost popped out of the socket. I didn't know I could audition for Jim Carrey's part in The Mask.

It was an image that I would remember forever because it's probably how I will look like when finally Grim Reaper taps me on my shoulder.

The experience didn't kill off my daredevil instinct. Instead, it only gives more fuel to the fire. I still long for finally doing bungee jumping.

But first, another visit to Universal Studios Singapore beckons. They finally managed to get the all-clear for Battlestar Galactica roller coaster. So it's time to wear that brave face, join the queue, put the straps on, and let's see if I can replicate the same facial expression again.

This time around, I won't listen to my brother-in-law.

sun pan

When I was growing up in Lampung, one of the things that I loved the most was the number of food sellers passing by on our street every day. There was also a variety of food sold depending on the time of day.

In the morning, you can order mie bakso or miso as what we call in Lampung. It was basically a bowl of beef ball soup, accompanied with yellow egg noodle or bihun (rice vermicelli) and a sprinkle of fried shallot. I didn't know what they put in the soup, but I would think it would contain beef bones, offal, plus fats. There were rumours that some other sellers would put other things beside those items to get more customers. But then, it is another story for another post.

You could order your miso based on your preference, types of noodle, and condiments. Mine always consisted of meat balls, egg noodle & rice vermicelli, lots of sweet soya sauce, a bit of chili sauce, and no tomato ketchup.

The miso seller's name was Bejo. He was definitely the darling of our street because of his miso. There was once a time when he was gone from our street because local police prohibited him to do his business from the sidewalk. We missed him a lot, and rejoiced when he finally was able to deliver his miso as usual several months later.

Another food that you could order in the morning was Soto Ayam. This one was the Javanese version with chicken, small beansprout, rice vermicelli, perkedel (potato cutlet), and also fried tempeh. You could also order to have rice added into your soto. As the same case with Bejo's miso, you would need to wait around 30 minutes to have the food delivered as you weren't the only hungry people on the street.

More food types could be found in the afternoon such as fried beancurd. You could order a few beancurd and then they would slather sweet soya sauce or chili sauce on top of your beancurd.

Another food would be the otak-otak or otah for those living in Singapore or Malaysia. It was essentially fish paste wrapped in banana leaf which would then be steamed before it was then grilled. You would eat otak-otak with peanut sauce.

Indonesian version of otak-otak was quite different with the version found in Singapore & Malaysia. While our version was white, quite sweet, and firmer in texture, otah was a bit orange-ish and spicier. Otah never looked appealing for me, that's why I never ate it here.

Other than otak-otak, our favourite seller also sell ketan (sticky rice with shredded coconut) that you would eat with sambal chili. You would need to use your hand to eat it, because afterwards nothing beat the joy of licking every leftover coconut or sticky rice from your fingers.

Actually, there was another guy who sold otak-otak, but we never bought from him because of his aggressive style. When he came to our store, he would drop his otak-otak basket and then tell us that his otak-otak were still hot and asked whether we wanted them. All of this in a tone and style that you would see & hear whenever a guy wanted to have a fight with you. You're supposed to sell otak-otak and not challenge your customer to a fight, dude!

Another seller who was totally different than the agressive guy was the Pecel lady. Pecel is almost similar with Gado Gado, except for the fact that Pecel has more types of vegetable in it and that Pecel uses rempeyek (peanut crackers) rather than the normal crackers or Emping used in Gado Gado.

The lady also had a unique style in the way she carried her items. She would put all the vegetables and peanut sauce on a wide bamboo basket which was then carried on top of her head! On her back, she would carry the rempeyek can just like what you saw in young ladies selling jamu gendong.

We would then choose the vegetables that we wanted, which she'd put on a banana leaf and pour peanut sauce on top of it. If you like it, you could also put rempeyek on top of the veggie before she poured the sauce. That's my preference, really. I could probably finish the whole can of rempeyek soaked in peanut sauce. Getting sore throat afterward is just the problem for another day.

The last food and my most favourite from them all was sun pan. It was a traditional Chinese snack made of steamed sago flour with minced pork & bean, or bamboo shoots. It might be similar with the Teochew version of choi pan, but sun pan's skin was smoother and more transparent. Not to mention much better :)

In my whole life, there's only one sun pan seller ever. The same guy keeps going around selling sun pan from when I was small until now. Some of my childhood friends also swear that they only know him when it comes to sun pan.

Recently, I asked my Mom to bring some sun pan for me when I came to Jakarta. She called me that she couldn't find the seller. Then, several minutes later, she texted me saying that I was damn lucky because after she hung up on me, she saw the sun pan guy on the sidewalk!

What's more amazing was that this guy told my Mom that he didn't work for his old boss anymore. However, he now works for a new boss and this boss also produces sun pan! It's like the guy is born to sell sun pan for life. If that's not dedication or destiny, then I don't know what else it is.

Sadly after all these years, I still don't know his name. I just call him "Bang". So, abang Sun Pan, wherever you are, this post is for you. To honor your dedication, and to thank you for the unlimited joy that you've brought me whenever you called to announce that you've arrived...

"Suuun Paaan"

on patience

I was always proud of my ability of being patient. No, I wasn't those who they said are "as cool as a cucumber". But I'm good enough to stay calm in any situation. And I've never lost my temper to anyone. Except for that one guy when I was in my last year of elementary school.

As far back as I could remember, I've never involved in a fistfight with anyone. I didn't look for one, and I wasn't interested in being a participant either. I'd rather avoid conflict because life is already maddening enough for me, and another problem is totally out of the questions.

And I'm pretty happy with that achievement. Until a few years ago.

It was when I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs to someone. Throwing things to the wall or any direction, being destructive, and secretly wishing of having a baseball bat to smash it to anyone or anything that I hate.

Remember that patience that I thought I had in an abundance? They all have been shredded to pieces.

It's quite distracting because I find myself not being able to concentrate myself fully to the tasks in hand or life. All I want is to scream and let all those anger out. The worst thing about it is that I kinda like it.

It felt like Darth Vader had just presented a ribbon-wrapped key to unlock my Dark Side.

When I tried to psychoanalyze myself, I thought it just happened because all things in my life just decided to conspire against me. That it's just a phase in life that would soon go away, and I'll become my patient self again in no time.

The question is what if I was wrong? I hate not having the ability to control myself. Perhaps I need to go to China, hike a mountain, find a Shaolin temple, and learn from some old Master like Kwai Chang Caine (RIP, Grasshopper). Hmm, that's not a bad idea, actually.

In the meantime, let me think of that baseball bat first.

puzzled happiness

a piece of white space is laid out in front of me
one by one, each piece of the puzzle assembles itself from the past
i can almost see the whole picture now
it's a big, grinning, happy face
it's funny how it looks like mine

on laughing matter

I just finished watching Ben Stiller's The Heartbreak Kid on HBO. It's a movie that I've been eyeing ever since its trailer made me laugh so hard. Unfortunately, its DVD never made it to my nearest VideoEzy. So, HBO it is.

Anyway, hours after watching the movie, I realized that I really laughed outloud. It got me thinking of the last time I did that. I was kinda shocked to know that it was a long while back.

Is it really difficult now to laugh silly for ourselves?

I would think that it has everything to do with the situation we're all in now. Every time I open the newspaper or read online, it's always the same thing about people losing job or getting pay cut, and how number for a certain company or country is getting worse. It's making life even more depressing and difficult.

Amidst the gloom, the box office revenue tracker in America reported that movie income this year is actually increasing. A sign that more and more people try to get a quick solace from all of the stressing stuffs.

I know that for some people it's a luxury now to go to the movie to get the quick fix. But you can always find comforting things from anywhere.

It could be a quiet dinner moment alone with your spouse, a giggle from your baby, chatting with friends about nothing in particular, or in my case getting a chance to keep in touch with my elementary school friends and reminisce about things that happened 20 years ago in our lives.

It's strange that you can't help but smile now at things that made your knees weak two decades ago. But if it puts a smile to your face, and make your 9-to-5 bearable a bit longer, then do it and do that even more.

While a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel isn't too much to ask. There's no harm in keeping our hopes up.

May we all be safe and keep uploading those old pictures online!

totally

I've made it known clearly
You've provided your response
Let's not make it over the line
We won't visit the same road anymore

I totally understand

another.gone

Another year will soon pass and I'm not sure if I want to look back on it.

While not all things are bad this year, some really succeed in making me fall to the lowest point of my life and see everything draped in dark shadows with no lights in sight.

Then some other things are so good they bring joy to my life and tears of happiness.

This is yet another year to learn, fail, fight, rage, curse, achieve, discover, and grow up.

But, is it also another year wasted for me? Is it in this year when decisions are finally made and separation loom large?

It's almost gone now, and I really hope that I come out alright from it and have my skin thicker for the next one.

Just bring it on and come what may. The previous phrase looks good to the eyes, though I don't believe I actually have that mentality.

head down

I was waiting for my turn in the doctor's office this afternoon when it came right through my mind.

It's THAT simple. What a revelation.

The question is now whether I can fully committed to doing it and not to waver.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best person in the world to focus at what I do. Hell, "difficult to concentrate" is one phrase that you'll always see in the description for Gemini.

But I mean I'm really stubborn. Why can't I be stubborn for this thing? Don't look for silly reasons to let myself stray somewhere.

It's time to ACTUALLY do what I write. Head down, steam ahead.

yogyakarta

New Year's Eve
Fire in a nearby hotel
Watching at banci Malioboro curiously
Blurred pictures

Laughing faces
Throwing sandals into the room
For no reason at all
Her face, her smile

Long road home
Puffing last ever cigs at the back row
Knowing all would be gone once the bus stopped
Decisions to make, dreams to bury

Not a fairy tale
Nor a well-structured make believe
Just a memory to keep
When time is closing in

stumble towards each day

The past month was like a whirlwind to me. It came and went quickly, and I hardly remembered what I did then.

I was swamped with works, and was able to get out of it black and blue.

During that time, some things also became clearer to me. Things that I wouldn't ever consider previously, but now I could make a decision about them instantly.

All things that were dear to me were just swept aside. Whenever I had a bit of time to breathe, I just wanted to make use of it for myself. I needed that to stay sane and sober.

I was at the lowest points of my life most of the time, and everything was always looking grey and blurred to me. Even watching United also felt distant now.

Maybe I was just tired of the pettiness of life and everything about it.

sparks-less

Amidst all the smiles and exchanges of views
One thing stands out undeniably
Something that I've known long before
It doesn't take that long to know the truth
And I hate it when I'm right

room 821

It's still bright across the street
They're telling me that I'm not alone
And you're also there
Revealing new things that I haven't known before

Suddenly the world is getting better
At this lonely time of the hour

standing still

where are you?
what have you got?
what have you done?
are you moving forward?
is it still worth living?

left behind

Sickening
Depressing
Nosy
Boring
Negative
Weirdo

That's why people pack up their bags and leave.

keep it going

There has been no contact at all for more than a decade, and somehow it's getting a bit intensive in the last weeks.

I really don't know what it is and what it means for me, but I really, really enjoy it.

What I'm sure of is that I can use it as another reason to look forward to in life. It makes everything more bearable, so thank YOU.

addictive

You don't have to send me money or get me a star to make me happy. A simple "How are you?" once in a blue moon is more than enough to put me among the stars.

Nothing is better than starting the morning with seeing your name in my inbox. It's highly addictive and dangerous. Yet I can never get enough of it.

Just let me enjoy it while I can, and don't pull me out from this ecstasy. Please.