head down

I was waiting for my turn in the doctor's office this afternoon when it came right through my mind.

It's THAT simple. What a revelation.

The question is now whether I can fully committed to doing it and not to waver.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best person in the world to focus at what I do. Hell, "difficult to concentrate" is one phrase that you'll always see in the description for Gemini.

But I mean I'm really stubborn. Why can't I be stubborn for this thing? Don't look for silly reasons to let myself stray somewhere.

It's time to ACTUALLY do what I write. Head down, steam ahead.

yogyakarta

New Year's Eve
Fire in a nearby hotel
Watching at banci Malioboro curiously
Blurred pictures

Laughing faces
Throwing sandals into the room
For no reason at all
Her face, her smile

Long road home
Puffing last ever cigs at the back row
Knowing all would be gone once the bus stopped
Decisions to make, dreams to bury

Not a fairy tale
Nor a well-structured make believe
Just a memory to keep
When time is closing in

stumble towards each day

The past month was like a whirlwind to me. It came and went quickly, and I hardly remembered what I did then.

I was swamped with works, and was able to get out of it black and blue.

During that time, some things also became clearer to me. Things that I wouldn't ever consider previously, but now I could make a decision about them instantly.

All things that were dear to me were just swept aside. Whenever I had a bit of time to breathe, I just wanted to make use of it for myself. I needed that to stay sane and sober.

I was at the lowest points of my life most of the time, and everything was always looking grey and blurred to me. Even watching United also felt distant now.

Maybe I was just tired of the pettiness of life and everything about it.

sparks-less

Amidst all the smiles and exchanges of views
One thing stands out undeniably
Something that I've known long before
It doesn't take that long to know the truth
And I hate it when I'm right

room 821

It's still bright across the street
They're telling me that I'm not alone
And you're also there
Revealing new things that I haven't known before

Suddenly the world is getting better
At this lonely time of the hour

standing still

where are you?
what have you got?
what have you done?
are you moving forward?
is it still worth living?

left behind

Sickening
Depressing
Nosy
Boring
Negative
Weirdo

That's why people pack up their bags and leave.

keep it going

There has been no contact at all for more than a decade, and somehow it's getting a bit intensive in the last weeks.

I really don't know what it is and what it means for me, but I really, really enjoy it.

What I'm sure of is that I can use it as another reason to look forward to in life. It makes everything more bearable, so thank YOU.

addictive

You don't have to send me money or get me a star to make me happy. A simple "How are you?" once in a blue moon is more than enough to put me among the stars.

Nothing is better than starting the morning with seeing your name in my inbox. It's highly addictive and dangerous. Yet I can never get enough of it.

Just let me enjoy it while I can, and don't pull me out from this ecstasy. Please.

reason #125

I was working last night when I decided to turn on my MP3 player with NKOTB's newest comeback single.

Then, the wife who was in the bathroom yelled asking if it was Jordan's voice. Even when she never heard the song before.

How can I not love her?

I should have known it as it's coming from someone who got suspended from the school because her picture was splashed on the front page of national newspaper on the day when she's supposed to be "sick" at home.

She didn't rest, but went to the airport to greet & scream at the Kids when they came to Jakarta years ago.

My wife, the Blockhead.