reason #125

I was working last night when I decided to turn on my MP3 player with NKOTB's newest comeback single.

Then, the wife who was in the bathroom yelled asking if it was Jordan's voice. Even when she never heard the song before.

How can I not love her?

I should have known it as it's coming from someone who got suspended from the school because her picture was splashed on the front page of national newspaper on the day when she's supposed to be "sick" at home.

She didn't rest, but went to the airport to greet & scream at the Kids when they came to Jakarta years ago.

My wife, the Blockhead.

leave me be

Some people have the traits where they can make you happy one second, and then reach for the noose on the next minutes.

I really don't get it why they have to keep bothering me and making me doing things that I hate. I think it all should stop the moment I leave the nest and sever all the financial ties.

I never realize how wrong I was.

Maybe I should stop giving them a cold shoulder or back, in my case. Maybe I should turn around, speak my mind, and be prepared for anytime they turn me into a stone.

Sometimes I really wish I were indeed a stone. Nobody to serve & please and I can just lay there unnoticed and give the finger to anyone & anything.

I believe that they're just supposed to watch over my back, see me rise or fall, and give me a smile whenever I need it the most. Just be my safety net, and that's it. I don't ask for anything else.

Problem starts when the safety net decides to wrap me tightly; much like the alien symbiote crawling towards Peter Parker and be one with him.

I really don't need another thing to squeeze my mind. It won't ever be enough, and I may actually start to reach the imaginary noose soon.

finally happening

I've been knackered lately. Not only because work suddenly gets a little bit buzzing here & there, but also because I've been using my spare (and not spare) time to do something else.

Not that I'm complaining though. It feels great, and it feels like one thing that I should have been doing all these fucking years. I really wish that it will eventually lead me somewhere good.

Or I really shouldn't wish for it probably. I don't want to ruin it by immediately put a burden or expectation on it. It'd be good to just let it flow and see where it'll take me.

i do want to believe