on patience

I was always proud of my ability of being patient. No, I wasn't those who they said are "as cool as a cucumber". But I'm good enough to stay calm in any situation. And I've never lost my temper to anyone. Except for that one guy when I was in my last year of elementary school.

As far back as I could remember, I've never involved in a fistfight with anyone. I didn't look for one, and I wasn't interested in being a participant either. I'd rather avoid conflict because life is already maddening enough for me, and another problem is totally out of the questions.

And I'm pretty happy with that achievement. Until a few years ago.

It was when I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs to someone. Throwing things to the wall or any direction, being destructive, and secretly wishing of having a baseball bat to smash it to anyone or anything that I hate.

Remember that patience that I thought I had in an abundance? They all have been shredded to pieces.

It's quite distracting because I find myself not being able to concentrate myself fully to the tasks in hand or life. All I want is to scream and let all those anger out. The worst thing about it is that I kinda like it.

It felt like Darth Vader had just presented a ribbon-wrapped key to unlock my Dark Side.

When I tried to psychoanalyze myself, I thought it just happened because all things in my life just decided to conspire against me. That it's just a phase in life that would soon go away, and I'll become my patient self again in no time.

The question is what if I was wrong? I hate not having the ability to control myself. Perhaps I need to go to China, hike a mountain, find a Shaolin temple, and learn from some old Master like Kwai Chang Caine (RIP, Grasshopper). Hmm, that's not a bad idea, actually.

In the meantime, let me think of that baseball bat first.

2010 movies

2010 was history, and in terms of film-watching, I'd watched 71 movies last year. It worked out to about 6 movies watched in each month, or almost 2 movies a week. I think it was quite a lot, but I'm sure there are many people out there who may even have a higher number.

From those 71 movies, here are the 10 which are the least enjoyable, and the most enjoyable for me in alphabetical order.

The Least Enjoyable Movies Watched in 2010

1. Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans

Roger Ebert considered this one of the best movies in 2009, but not for me. I wasn't sure what the iguana symbolized, and I didn't care at all. Luckily, Eva Mendes was still the cure for sore eyes here.

2. Box, The

The movie was depressingly long. Coming from someone who's as depressed as me, it means really, really bad. I couldn't wait for the end credit to appear.

3. Case 39

I couldn't even remember what this movie was about. It was that bad.

4. Cop Out

Tracy Morgan & Bruce Willis were horrible. Thank the Lord for Stifler!

5. Gamer

What a mess. A noisy mess.

6. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1

They said that the reason the book was split into 2 movies wasn't commercial. I didn't believe it at all after coming out of the cinema.

7. Jennifer's Body

The only silver lining from this one was Diablo Cody's witty dialogue.

8. Ninja Assassin

If you watched this movie, you would believe that human body contained 10 gallons of blood. Sho Kosugi looked cool, though.

9. Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief

Watching this movie was painful for me because I loved the books and the movie sucked big time. I wasn't sure what Rick Riordan thought about this movie, although I would be pretty upset if I were him. But I still hope that they will continue making the remaining 4 series.

10. Skyline

Special effects: 9

Everything else: -20

It's movie like this that gives sci-fi genre a bad name.

The Most Enjoyable Movies Watched in 2010

1. Brothers

I haven't watched the original Danish movie, but this one was pretty good for me. Probably the best movie that explored the emotional effect of wars in Iraq or Afghanistan so far.

2. Despicable Me

I was alternating between Toy Story 3, Despicable Me, and How to Train Your Dragon. But in the end, the minions won it for me.

3. District 9

How can you not love this movie? It's refreshingly original and it gave us Murdock!

4. Funny People

With the stellar cast assembled by Judd Apatow & Adam Sandler, you would be out of your mind if you're bored with this one.

5. Hurt Locker, The

The Academy loved it, and so did I.

6. Inception

There's no 2010 without this movie.

7. Inglourious Basterds

I was hoping the movie would keep going and never end. The last time I felt like that was while I was watching The Dark Knight, and The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King.

8. Kick-Ass

Never mind Nicolas Cage. Just focus on Chloe Grace Moretz.

9. Social Network, The

You can't take your eyes off of the screen. It's tightly woven, and hard-hitting. However, the worst thing of this movie was having the feeling that you could be one of the guys there, and you have missed to take part in the once-in-a generation opportunity.

10. Up In The Air

Those who wanted to be like George Clooney's character, raise your hands! OK, I don't need to count, all of you have raised your hands.