another.gone

Another year will soon pass and I'm not sure if I want to look back on it.

While not all things are bad this year, some really succeed in making me fall to the lowest point of my life and see everything draped in dark shadows with no lights in sight.

Then some other things are so good they bring joy to my life and tears of happiness.

This is yet another year to learn, fail, fight, rage, curse, achieve, discover, and grow up.

But, is it also another year wasted for me? Is it in this year when decisions are finally made and separation loom large?

It's almost gone now, and I really hope that I come out alright from it and have my skin thicker for the next one.

Just bring it on and come what may. The previous phrase looks good to the eyes, though I don't believe I actually have that mentality.

head down

I was waiting for my turn in the doctor's office this afternoon when it came right through my mind.

It's THAT simple. What a revelation.

The question is now whether I can fully committed to doing it and not to waver.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best person in the world to focus at what I do. Hell, "difficult to concentrate" is one phrase that you'll always see in the description for Gemini.

But I mean I'm really stubborn. Why can't I be stubborn for this thing? Don't look for silly reasons to let myself stray somewhere.

It's time to ACTUALLY do what I write. Head down, steam ahead.

yogyakarta

New Year's Eve
Fire in a nearby hotel
Watching at banci Malioboro curiously
Blurred pictures

Laughing faces
Throwing sandals into the room
For no reason at all
Her face, her smile

Long road home
Puffing last ever cigs at the back row
Knowing all would be gone once the bus stopped
Decisions to make, dreams to bury

Not a fairy tale
Nor a well-structured make believe
Just a memory to keep
When time is closing in

stumble towards each day

The past month was like a whirlwind to me. It came and went quickly, and I hardly remembered what I did then.

I was swamped with works, and was able to get out of it black and blue.

During that time, some things also became clearer to me. Things that I wouldn't ever consider previously, but now I could make a decision about them instantly.

All things that were dear to me were just swept aside. Whenever I had a bit of time to breathe, I just wanted to make use of it for myself. I needed that to stay sane and sober.

I was at the lowest points of my life most of the time, and everything was always looking grey and blurred to me. Even watching United also felt distant now.

Maybe I was just tired of the pettiness of life and everything about it.

sparks-less

Amidst all the smiles and exchanges of views
One thing stands out undeniably
Something that I've known long before
It doesn't take that long to know the truth
And I hate it when I'm right

room 821

It's still bright across the street
They're telling me that I'm not alone
And you're also there
Revealing new things that I haven't known before

Suddenly the world is getting better
At this lonely time of the hour

standing still

where are you?
what have you got?
what have you done?
are you moving forward?
is it still worth living?

left behind

Sickening
Depressing
Nosy
Boring
Negative
Weirdo

That's why people pack up their bags and leave.

keep it going

There has been no contact at all for more than a decade, and somehow it's getting a bit intensive in the last weeks.

I really don't know what it is and what it means for me, but I really, really enjoy it.

What I'm sure of is that I can use it as another reason to look forward to in life. It makes everything more bearable, so thank YOU.

addictive

You don't have to send me money or get me a star to make me happy. A simple "How are you?" once in a blue moon is more than enough to put me among the stars.

Nothing is better than starting the morning with seeing your name in my inbox. It's highly addictive and dangerous. Yet I can never get enough of it.

Just let me enjoy it while I can, and don't pull me out from this ecstasy. Please.

reason #125

I was working last night when I decided to turn on my MP3 player with NKOTB's newest comeback single.

Then, the wife who was in the bathroom yelled asking if it was Jordan's voice. Even when she never heard the song before.

How can I not love her?

I should have known it as it's coming from someone who got suspended from the school because her picture was splashed on the front page of national newspaper on the day when she's supposed to be "sick" at home.

She didn't rest, but went to the airport to greet & scream at the Kids when they came to Jakarta years ago.

My wife, the Blockhead.

leave me be

Some people have the traits where they can make you happy one second, and then reach for the noose on the next minutes.

I really don't get it why they have to keep bothering me and making me doing things that I hate. I think it all should stop the moment I leave the nest and sever all the financial ties.

I never realize how wrong I was.

Maybe I should stop giving them a cold shoulder or back, in my case. Maybe I should turn around, speak my mind, and be prepared for anytime they turn me into a stone.

Sometimes I really wish I were indeed a stone. Nobody to serve & please and I can just lay there unnoticed and give the finger to anyone & anything.

I believe that they're just supposed to watch over my back, see me rise or fall, and give me a smile whenever I need it the most. Just be my safety net, and that's it. I don't ask for anything else.

Problem starts when the safety net decides to wrap me tightly; much like the alien symbiote crawling towards Peter Parker and be one with him.

I really don't need another thing to squeeze my mind. It won't ever be enough, and I may actually start to reach the imaginary noose soon.

finally happening

I've been knackered lately. Not only because work suddenly gets a little bit buzzing here & there, but also because I've been using my spare (and not spare) time to do something else.

Not that I'm complaining though. It feels great, and it feels like one thing that I should have been doing all these fucking years. I really wish that it will eventually lead me somewhere good.

Or I really shouldn't wish for it probably. I don't want to ruin it by immediately put a burden or expectation on it. It'd be good to just let it flow and see where it'll take me.

i do want to believe

one lonely star

Here I am again in a very familiar surrounding; just me and the computer.

Not to say I regret it though. I'm always appreciative of the time when I can just be alone with my troubling thoughts and all of them are vying for the primetime spot in my grey matters.

But this time around Madonna's Take A Bow is repeating endlessly.

I always love that song from the very first time it caught my ears until now. It's not because the matador, or the sexy music video. It's the song itself. All just seem to be perfect, from Babyface's background vocal, to its soothing tempo & arrangement. I just suddenly have the craving to get that song played in my hour of loneliness.

Looking back, I don't know whether I've been doing the right thing. I'm not sure if I should say what I wanted to say, or if I just let it go. Something just doesn't feel right about what I did. I don't want to be the bad guy here. You don't have to get told on what to do about that kinda thing. Your perspective should change automatically. With new status comes automatic realization of what you are and what you should do.

Sometimes silence doesn't always mean Yes. But I'd choose Yes anytime rather than upsetting the cosmic balance of the universe.

As long as I can still keep my place in the very corner of this dark room.

all gone

If they're all now dissing me, then there's nothing else left for me here, is there? So why bother continuing it?

select and enjoy

I used to think that life is about making choices and how we deal, cope, or adjust with the result of our decision.

The list is endless; A or B, supporting Manchester United or Liverpool (no contest here), hating Chelsea or Arsenal (both!), taking this or that job, or even deliberating between rice or noodle for lunch. Then, you wait & see what choice that life is gonna throw you next and the same process is repeated all over again.

It's like that one of Make Your Own Adventure series. Only this time, you can't skip several pages to know the actual result.

However, recently I feel more & more strongly that the choices offered to me are no longer options that I have the luxury to think about before making the decision. So what's the point of offering them to me if the selection is already decided beforehand? It's not life anymore, it's more suitable to call it slavery.

If that's the case, then why should I bother? All I just have to follow is the script already laid out before me. No discussion, no consideration, it's either this way or the highway, Jose.

It should be very easy to do so, but I think I still have this thing inside me called heart & mind. What if they say no to the plan? What if my heart & mind decide otherwise?

What will happen if I throw the script out of the window? Will thunder & lightning strike me down? Will they send me to the farthest point of the earth? Why should it be their way and not my way? Whose life is it anyway?

It leads me to think that God is not writing the story but it's the collaboration of people around me instead. Perhaps there's always a third option that I miss out in the fine print, and it has something to do with the Almighty.

Is it really just about making choices?

no. 17

Different shorts
Different numbers
Different names

Same battle chant
Same results
Same green & white

It's no. 17
Time to raise another banner to the rafter

commercial head

For all Radiohead's rant about commercialism and what they think & feel about it, they can't deny the fact that it's their fans who provide the final say. They can scream and curse all they want, but the fans will still shell out their money for all piece of works from the band.

If they're so against it, then they should just release all of their songs for free to the world and give the finger to EMI/Capitol from the start. Or give up all those dollar & cents that they've earned from the label to the charity of their choice.

The only thing that's gonna stop me from getting myself Radiohead's The Best of DVD is my bank's account.

all hails indiana

The world's most loved archaeologist is back complete with his fedora and whip. And we missed him a lot, did we? I did, at least.

The story was meant to be Hollywood's best kept-secret, but I hit the spoiler right away from some guy who called the posting a "review". What a joke. If what he meant by "review" was to keep everyone from watching the movie, then he succeeded. When you do your so-called "review", you're not supposed to give away the movie! That's the essence of actually going to the movie! Ugh...

Anyway, I was kinda a bit disappointed after learning that Lucas & Spielberg decided to choose it as their topic. I thought it'd make the story cheap and not very creative. The moment the crystal skull is revealed, I just know that it would be quite similar with the story in Ruins, which is still the best The X-Files fiction out there.

But in the end you still have to give credit where it's due. And this time around, Indy can still crack his whip. Though I'm not that convinced with them following that Superman Returns-plot. It's very lame, I should say. But if that's the only way to keep the franchise going, then I'm all for it.

4 stars, baby...coz it's Indy, for God's sake!

beat LA!

My love affair with basketball began since I was about 8 or 10 years old. It started mainly because Pa & Ma were ballers themselves (even though Ma would always remind us that she's a starter, while Pa was a benchwarmer :P).

Then, when I grew older and could watch TV past 9 PM, they were showing NBA matches on TVRI. I had no idea what NBA was back then. All I remembered was wondering on why they kept showing the same game from the same teams. The teams in bright yellow against the teams in green & white. I cheered on the green team without knowing who they were and why. I guess that's because I just like the colour.

It was only in the Nineties when the Jordan-generated craze swept the world that I realized that the old games on TVRI were actually the Finals series between Lakers (the bright yellow team) against Boston Celtics (the green & white team). I was actually witnessing one of the greatest rivalries among 2 legendary NBA teams. And back then I've pleaded my allegiance to one team only.

As years went by, I've learned the history of the team, the 16 championship banners, Red Auerbach, and of course the triumvirate of Bird, Parish, and McHale. My love for the team was unwavering even though we've turned from a legendary team into a laughing stock in the past 10 years. Until this season when Danny Ainge pulled KG & Ray Ray from the hat and made them Pierce's teammates.

Starting on next Thursday, I will be able to witness the same series again as both teams will meet in the Finals one more time since 21 years ago. And one battle voice will be summoned from the old Boston Garden passionately...

BEAT LA!! BEAT LA!!

winning reflected

Right. Okay, we win it all in the end. This is not a post to gloat or boast, I've passed that stage now where all that's left is only that afterglow feeling of savouring everything in the shining light of victory.

But I just can't help it, can I? NOW YOU (yes, you know who) CAN ALL FUCK OFF!!

It's been another unforgettable season, and I couldn't remember any other time when I was more nervous than that early Thursday morning watching the drama unfolded itself in Moscow.

All is well in winning. Everybody gets the urge to forget all the pains and just soaks in the feeling. And if the Megastore cash registers keep on ringing to the roof, then you can't just mock the club as being Merchandise United. Tell it to your clubs' CEO and he won't care a bit about it as all clubs would love to be in United's position now.

I also try my best to contribute to the bottomline for the Glazers by ordering in some of that Champions League winners product range. And knowing myself, it's just another chance to remind me that my usual delayed decision-making will have impact to the future and other events.

Just great, eh? Now, where's that winning feeling? I could use a cup or two.

holland v

We were saluting King Ludwig of Bavaria, and laughing when I suddenly just couldn't stop thinking about Creep. It was one of many sad songs that the singers sang during the night, and I made a remark why the singers chose to sing such songs with their guitars in such a supposedly-happy place.

The outcome was inevitable. It stabbed me right in the heart, twisted it deeper, left it there, and went.

I really don't belong here.

jog

I had been doing my self-imposed diet for about 4 days when I joined the first after-office jogging session last Thursday. We jogged, or mostly walked in my case, around the Singapore River and back to the office. It turned out that there were quite a lot of people who also jogged during that time. So at least we're not the only ones getting the looks when we passed Clarke/Boat/Robertson Quay. I mean you're not visiting those places wearing sweaty shirt, shorts, and sneakers, right?

There were 9 of us that evening, and for the first 1 or 2 clicks we're still in the groups. Then, we're separated into 4 groups as we couldn't keep up with those with better stamina. But in the end, most of us managed to regroup somewhere near the office.

I had to admit that it was quite fun, and was such a welcome distraction to seeing cubicles all the time. I was also quite surprised with the distance that I ran. I guess it had to do more with pride than stamina after seeing most of the girls kept on running like they're seasoned marathoners.

Once we got cleaned up, we all went to Sakae Sushi for dinner. Then, the boss said the magic words. "Guys, eat & order whatever you want, ok?"

So much for my diet & self-discipline...

doubting no. 7

I've had my doubts on Ronaldo ever since he joined the club. Not sure why. Maybe it's the stepovers, his early tendency to fall easily, and his preference to take the glory for himself rather than simply passing the ball to a more open teammate.

Maybe it's because Ruud and Keano had aired their disapproval of the boy in the training grounds, and both of them were the "been there, done that" guys so I tend to agree with them more.

But when Ronaldo is still at the club, while Ruud & Keano were shown the door, should've told us something about what the Boss sees within the boy. It speaks once again about the experience and uncanny instinct that he has about spotting talent.

Even after Ronaldo won his first league title last season and scoring more than 30 goals this year, I still wasn't fully convinced about him until last night.

We were one goal down, Chelsea was only 3-point away, and we got the penalty. No. 7 stepped forward and put the ball down. Lehmann was in the goal. The same scene was replayed again in my mind: Ruud, Lehmann, penalty, and Martin Keown the Ugly Monkey.

This time around Ronaldo looked down at the ball in full concentration; all United supporters around the world held their breath as our season rested on Ronaldo's shoulders. He kept his cool and scored when Ruud failed, and even when the penalty had to be retaken, he scored again near the same spot as the first one. We roared with him, and then my view of him would never be the same again.

He's proved lots of people wrong, and he's also proved me wrong. And I love it.

omg

Is there any other happier news than this one?

Read more.

noodlelicious

Let's get this one straight. I love noodle; in fact I'm a maniac when it comes to noodle. And it doesn't help either that the wife shares the same appetite for all things noodle. Some of our happier times were spent in the morning while eating at our favourite noodle stalls.

So I kinda made it one of my priorities to find any good noodle places in the surroundings of my office and home after I moved here. But it's not an easy task as the style here was different with the one that we love back home.

Some obvious differences were the black vinegar used in the sauce, and the noodle itself which I think was a bit bland. Therefore, you could imagine how tortured we were when our cravings for noodle had reached its climax and there's nothing good to satisfy it.

We have to please ourselves with MyNoodle in Centrepoint food court which sold Jakarta-esque Mie Ayam Jamur for a while. But even it didn't last long as it closed last year.

Then out of the blue, we strolled into this noodle stall while we were in Chinatown area and instantly hooked with it. Its springy and smooth noodle was reminiscent of Indonesia's noodle, and it also came with minced meat which was very good for me.

The noodle was called Kolo Mee, and it was a specialty noodle from Sarawak Kuching in Malaysia. We were so happy that we were back there the following week as it's the only noodle here which has the closest resemblance to our kind of noodle. A couple of weeks later, the stall made its way to the Review column in the newspaper, and it's been adding quite a number of outlets islandwide so far.

The stall's name is Jia Xiang Sarawak Kuching Kolo Mee, and the one that we normally order consisting of char siew, wonton, and prawns. It costs S$6/bowl, and if it's not enough, you could ask for extra noodle which will cost you another dollar.

At least for the time being, we could rely on kolo mee supply to fulfill our desire for noodle. It should be able to last until our next trip back home where a noodle tour to our favourite haunts stalls will surely commence every morning.

comfort zone

I chatted with a friend yesterday and he told me that he'd leave Jakarta, moved to some place, and started anew by opening his own business and stuff. I couldn't do anything but applaud and wish him well.

Other than being happy for him, I also felt kinda depressed coz he had that courage to take one extra step to the unknown and risk many things. I'm not sure if I'd be willing to do that, even though I know there are numerous people lining up behind me to give me the push to that uncharted territory once I give them a go.

Should we take a risk for the promise of a better life? How does one know it's gonna be better? What if it turns out to be worse? I won't be able to forgive myself if it goes wrong, that's why I'd take the risk only if I'm certain about the result.

Maybe this is a wrong post to make, writing it makes me even more depressed.

airshow

0900 hours
I saw crowds in the bicycle area around Pasir Ris MRT Station while opening the door to leave the house. Felt something wasn't right.

0905 hours
My feeling was confirmed. The crowds were queueing for the shuttle bus to the venue. I went to buy battery for camera and some bread for breakfast first.

0915 hours
Started joining the queue from the bus interchange area, but luckily 'twas well organized as the queue lines were properly in place and people duly queued. One sausage bread was fully consumed while queueing.

0930 hours
Finally got to the end of the queue. The staffs were armed with portable barcode scanners and the eTicket was scanned before boarding the shuttle bus. I sat at the second row seat from the front. Not bad, eh?

0945 hours
Arrived at the venue, and more queue to enter the building.

0955 hours
Entered the building, got lost, and didn't know which way to go. I just followed the people in front of me. More queue for security checking just like in the airport.

1005 hours
Left the building and walked to the exhibition area. First things to see were some tanks and Apache chopper in the middle. My God, wasn't she beautiful!

1015 hours
Done admiring Apache. Next target was F35-Lightning II placed beside the Lockheed Martin chalet. Couldn't touch her with those fences around. I wondered if F22-Raptor was as cute as her.

1025 hours
People was surely crowding near the F35, so I wasn't surprised when RQ-4 Global Hawk didn't attract many people. This unmanned bird really looked odd, maybe it was designed for stealth purpose. I couldn't help but thinking of those facehuggers that Ripley blasted to death while taking pictures of the Hawk.

1032 hours
Next stop, RSAF's Chinook and F-16. No contest on which ones attracted more amateur photographers. The Falcon was really sleek, no wonder some christened it as fighter jet with the best design. Even with all the Sidewinders and missiles hanging on the wings, she still looked hot.

1045 hours
The next area belonged to USAF with 2 Hercules, 1 F-15, 1 F-18, 1 F-16 (single seater), and 1 B1-B Lancer. Definitely the best area to hang around. Not because of the pilots, but because of those steel babies. I know the Fighting Falcon was hot, but for me the Strike Eagle, and especially the Super Hornet were the bombs! The Lancer was just sitting in the middle coolly, but his presence alone was enough to let people know who's the Big Daddy there. I felt 90% of the kids here would go home and want to become a fighter jet pilot. The other 10% were happy enough to just buy the jet models because they sucked at Math and Science.

1107 hours
Was thinking of joining the queue at Wall's Ice Cream. A touch at my waistline suddenly brought me back to reality.

1108 hours
Approaching Airbus A380. I wondered if the other planes are mocking her at night for being that fat. I think F-16 would be the meanest mocker of them all.

1120 hours
Entering the Feature Pavillion. The first booth was selling plane models, toys, t-shirts, and fighter jet DVDs. Bought 1 Red Arrows DVD for $29. Wanted to get the F-16, F-15, and F-18 models too, but balked at its $23.90 a piece price. Normally it was sold only for $19.

1125 hours
Walking around the Pavillion looking for some freebies. Some kids got pins from the Bahrain Airport booth, but they didn't seem interested in giving me one. They had dates in their booth, though. Moved on and saw the Segway booth. Thinking to try it, but afraid I'd make a fool of myself (as usual). "Don't be afraid. You won't fall." overheard the staff telling the guy who's trying it. Yeah, right. Got my first booty finally; a pin and lousy cap from Changi Airport booth.

1140 hours
Moved on to the Main Hall. Didn't know where to go or what to see, just wanted to enjoy the aircon. Some of the booths were closed as they didn't expect some uncles from Toa Payoh would come and buy their defense missile today. Smart guy. The Israel booth seemed to give away free bags as seeing many people had it. Eventually arrived at the main door, and saw ST Engineering generously gave away something black in plastic. I got one, and saw an aunty already opened and used it. It was a bag, so I went back and asked for another one. Why did I become this kiasu? Must be something in the water here.

1210 hours
Already standing in front of the main door, waiting for the aerobatic shows to start. It was scheduled at 12.15 by the way. Took out my second & final bread because got sleepy listening to the emcees.

1225 hours
The Black Knights finally arrived using Foo Fighters' Learn To Fly. Good choice. They seemed to be pretty good. Emcee said that they'd be signing autographs at 2.30 PM. Wondered if some of them would end up at eBay, and if someone would actually buy it.

1245 hours
It's the Super Hornet's turn. The pilot was doing it solo, and the Super Hornet looked like the older sister with attitude. I liked her better than the Fighting Falcon.

1255-1305 hours
The Alenia Aermacchi and Korea's T-50 turn. Both looked to have similar model. Not so special. Then, it's F-15's turn. Quite bored here and people watching instead.

1306 hours
The Fat Mama A380 arrived. Of course, she didn't do any backflip like the Falcons or Hornet. She just flew here, flew there. Tilt here, tilt there, and gone. It's like watching Dumbo, if ya know what I mean.

1311-1330 hours
The Roulettes are here! The best show of the day, me thinks. They had more stunts than the Black Knights, and because their planes were slower, we could enjoy it more. Not sure if the crowds liked it as they surely would root for the Home team. Go Roulettes!

1332 hours
Going back to the Main Hall to see the rest of the booths. No more aerobatics. Just wandered around, grabbed one more bag from ST Engineering and then remembered about wanting to go to Jane's booth. Walked past Etihad's booth, and they too had dates ready on the plates. People definitely flocked there to ask one question while grabbing 3 dates at the same time. Once question answered, they'd leave the booth. But not before grabbing more dates.

1335 hours
Saw Aviation Week booth. Got 2 free magazines. Yay!

1340 hours
Saw long queues at Boeing booth. Wondered what it was about; turned out people queued for fighter jet poster cum calendar in a Boeing plastic bag. Common sense prevailed and decided not to join the queue.

1345 hours
Finally found Jane's booth, but it was closed and people from the booth across sitting on Jane's couch. Grabbed 1 copy of Jane's Defense Weekly. Mission accomplished.

1350 hours
Left the Main Hall, and walking towards the Exit. Finally felt hungry.

1405 hours
Saw lots of people already queueing for the shuttle bus back. Didn't look good.

1415 hours
Arriving at the queue place. Not organized as no clear place to wait for the bus. People directly swarmed any bus coming in, no queue at all. No police were around to sort things out.

1425 hours
The cops were here and spent some time discussing on how to best arrange the situation, while more and more people were swarming any incoming buses. Didn't look good at all.

1436 hours
The cops starting putting out some Police Line for the queue. The sun was burning hot, people were sweaty and stank, and tempers started to flare. The queue, if there's one, didn't move as the cops were still arranging the way.

1450 hours
Finally some kind of queue were forming albeit in 6-7 lines. At least people were getting closer & closer to the end of the queue. One Malay aunty provided free entertainment for us through her slanging match with one of the cops. Some people just can't keep their mouth shut. Can't blame the cop if he decides to start hitting her with the baton.

1540 hours
Was finally on board the shuttle bus and arriving back at Pasir Ris station at 1550 hours. Bought teh peng from Banquet on the way home. Gila, segerr banget!

1610 hours
Home sweet home. The legs were screaming in pain, and cold shower seemed like a Holy Grail at this point.

1615 hours
Noticing that my neck & face were sunburnt. All parts not covered by my t-shirt were darker than the others. Man, this is bad!

1630 hours
Thank God for cold shower. All's done...typing this while waiting for the Wife to wake up for sushi dinner. Looking forward to the next show in 2-year time with the sunblock on, definitely.

More photos.

truth

What would you do if the truth that you seek will plunge you deeper into the darkness instead of setting you free? Would you continue or go to the shop and have your memory erased?

Would you suffer in the knowledge of knowing everything or would you suffer in not knowing the truth?

free dvds

My free DVD rental prize will expire this Friday, so only a few days more to enjoy this unbelievable privilege.

I'm not sure if this prize will make my relationship with the shop staffs grow closer, as it seems that they're quite sick of seeing me popping up regularly without fail every 2 days to return the DVDs and rent the new ones. I don't give a single damn about it actually, why don't they curse the lady luck who preferred to pick my entry out of hundreds from that box? Maybe they won't have another lucky draw contest anymore in the near future, or if they do they probably ban me from entering it.

But honestly, it's already getting more difficult to select watchable movies from their catalogue as I've watched most of them and I don't want to waste my time in watching bad movies. Surely enough, I've picked up some gems here & there like this, or this, or even this one! :)

I'll probably start renting again in the end of February to give them time to replenish the catalogue, and also for me to save money to pay the rent. Or until the next time I win another lucky draw.

a-hole

If you're think you're the only one who wants to jump off the ship whenever the first sign of trouble appears, it's either I'm dumb or you're just an asshole. I know I'm dumb, but this time I believe that you're just simply a fuckin' a-hole.

stupid

Here we go. The annual stupidity act has come again. It's premeditated. It's useless. It's yielding nothing, but yet I'm still doing it every year. Maybe it's just my way of making up for all those years.

Feel free to bludgeon me to death. It could save some precious air for the world in the end.

Dumbass.

ah, 2008

So here we are in 2008. We all should be happy, right? I mean with people wishing you and all a "happy" new year. Am I happy? Hmm, the question should be rephrased as "will I ever be happy?"

I've never felt that happy or optimistic for every coming year. It all felt the same for me. Same ol', same ol'. Nothing is different. But I have to admit that 2007 really left something worth remembering, even though the last few days of 2007 were a bit hellish for me. But then, that's another story for another bedtime.

I took a 4-day leave after Christmas but it didn't feel like holiday at all as I kept having this nagging feeling of having to check my mobile or email for work-related stuffs. If I had to ask Santa for something, it might be about being able to take leave or holiday without worrying about work at all. Well, here's a sad thing: Santa doesn't exist, quit whining.

I won a 1-month unlimited free rent from the DVD rental store, and I must admit that it had occupied the most part of my mind during my holiday. And I didn't regret a single bit of it at all because it didn't give me headaches, worries, and this feeling of wanting to smash one's handphone to the wall. So I'd rather win a 20-year unlimited free rent if possible anytime, anywhere.

A colleague asked about how the crowd was during New Year's Eve, and I said that I didn't know about it. It should be jam-packed with people I assume, as not everyone was watching Beerfest on HBO while trying to keep their minds off of the rage and at the same time trying to be amused & laughing at the supposedly funny movie.

Happy New Year, everyone. I really hope that you are happy.