As far back as I could remember, I've never involved in a fistfight with anyone. I didn't look for one, and I wasn't interested in being a participant either. I'd rather avoid conflict because life is already maddening enough for me, and another problem is totally out of the questions.
And I'm pretty happy with that achievement. Until a few years ago.
It was when I found myself screaming at the top of my lungs to someone. Throwing things to the wall or any direction, being destructive, and secretly wishing of having a baseball bat to smash it to anyone or anything that I hate.
Remember that patience that I thought I had in an abundance? They all have been shredded to pieces.
It's quite distracting because I find myself not being able to concentrate myself fully to the tasks in hand or life. All I want is to scream and let all those anger out. The worst thing about it is that I kinda like it.
It felt like Darth Vader had just presented a ribbon-wrapped key to unlock my Dark Side.
When I tried to psychoanalyze myself, I thought it just happened because all things in my life just decided to conspire against me. That it's just a phase in life that would soon go away, and I'll become my patient self again in no time.
The question is what if I was wrong? I hate not having the ability to control myself. Perhaps I need to go to China, hike a mountain, find a Shaolin temple, and learn from some old Master like Kwai Chang Caine (RIP, Grasshopper). Hmm, that's not a bad idea, actually.
In the meantime, let me think of that baseball bat first.
2 comments:
u? china? shaolin temple?
how bout jalan-jalan cari makan...not bad idea at all, rite??
come here, and i traktir u, k :)
ok, i go shaolin temple first, go botak. then i go KL and you traktir :))
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