totally

I've made it known clearly
You've provided your response
Let's not make it over the line
We won't visit the same road anymore

I totally understand

another.gone

Another year will soon pass and I'm not sure if I want to look back on it.

While not all things are bad this year, some really succeed in making me fall to the lowest point of my life and see everything draped in dark shadows with no lights in sight.

Then some other things are so good they bring joy to my life and tears of happiness.

This is yet another year to learn, fail, fight, rage, curse, achieve, discover, and grow up.

But, is it also another year wasted for me? Is it in this year when decisions are finally made and separation loom large?

It's almost gone now, and I really hope that I come out alright from it and have my skin thicker for the next one.

Just bring it on and come what may. The previous phrase looks good to the eyes, though I don't believe I actually have that mentality.

head down

I was waiting for my turn in the doctor's office this afternoon when it came right through my mind.

It's THAT simple. What a revelation.

The question is now whether I can fully committed to doing it and not to waver.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best person in the world to focus at what I do. Hell, "difficult to concentrate" is one phrase that you'll always see in the description for Gemini.

But I mean I'm really stubborn. Why can't I be stubborn for this thing? Don't look for silly reasons to let myself stray somewhere.

It's time to ACTUALLY do what I write. Head down, steam ahead.

yogyakarta

New Year's Eve
Fire in a nearby hotel
Watching at banci Malioboro curiously
Blurred pictures

Laughing faces
Throwing sandals into the room
For no reason at all
Her face, her smile

Long road home
Puffing last ever cigs at the back row
Knowing all would be gone once the bus stopped
Decisions to make, dreams to bury

Not a fairy tale
Nor a well-structured make believe
Just a memory to keep
When time is closing in

stumble towards each day

The past month was like a whirlwind to me. It came and went quickly, and I hardly remembered what I did then.

I was swamped with works, and was able to get out of it black and blue.

During that time, some things also became clearer to me. Things that I wouldn't ever consider previously, but now I could make a decision about them instantly.

All things that were dear to me were just swept aside. Whenever I had a bit of time to breathe, I just wanted to make use of it for myself. I needed that to stay sane and sober.

I was at the lowest points of my life most of the time, and everything was always looking grey and blurred to me. Even watching United also felt distant now.

Maybe I was just tired of the pettiness of life and everything about it.

sparks-less

Amidst all the smiles and exchanges of views
One thing stands out undeniably
Something that I've known long before
It doesn't take that long to know the truth
And I hate it when I'm right

room 821

It's still bright across the street
They're telling me that I'm not alone
And you're also there
Revealing new things that I haven't known before

Suddenly the world is getting better
At this lonely time of the hour

standing still

where are you?
what have you got?
what have you done?
are you moving forward?
is it still worth living?

left behind

Sickening
Depressing
Nosy
Boring
Negative
Weirdo

That's why people pack up their bags and leave.

keep it going

There has been no contact at all for more than a decade, and somehow it's getting a bit intensive in the last weeks.

I really don't know what it is and what it means for me, but I really, really enjoy it.

What I'm sure of is that I can use it as another reason to look forward to in life. It makes everything more bearable, so thank YOU.