puzzled happiness

a piece of white space is laid out in front of me
one by one, each piece of the puzzle assembles itself from the past
i can almost see the whole picture now
it's a big, grinning, happy face
it's funny how it looks like mine

manage

I looked at my business card and wondered why there should be a "manager" stated there. It was more confusing as I felt that I wasn't that good in managing.

I'm not doing particularly well in managing my life, let alone people or stuffs at my workplace.

Things became more obvious recently when the stuff given back to me was more the result of doing it for the sake of doing it, rather than learn to do it and evolve from there.

I know this is the first time you're doing it. But, you're supposed to think while doing it! All of those explanations and examples surely should lead you somewhere, right?

Mistakes were expected and I'm totally fine with it. But, the failure in grasping the whole concept and thinking outside of the instruction really left me exasperated.

Either I was that bad in explaining so you failed to see the whole big picture, or you're just loving Nike that much.

Let me take look at that business card one more time.

on laughing matter

I just finished watching Ben Stiller's The Heartbreak Kid on HBO. It's a movie that I've been eyeing ever since its trailer made me laugh so hard. Unfortunately, its DVD never made it to my nearest VideoEzy. So, HBO it is.

Anyway, hours after watching the movie, I realized that I really laughed outloud. It got me thinking of the last time I did that. I was kinda shocked to know that it was a long while back.

Is it really difficult now to laugh silly for ourselves?

I would think that it has everything to do with the situation we're all in now. Every time I open the newspaper or read online, it's always the same thing about people losing job or getting pay cut, and how number for a certain company or country is getting worse. It's making life even more depressing and difficult.

Amidst the gloom, the box office revenue tracker in America reported that movie income this year is actually increasing. A sign that more and more people try to get a quick solace from all of the stressing stuffs.

I know that for some people it's a luxury now to go to the movie to get the quick fix. But you can always find comforting things from anywhere.

It could be a quiet dinner moment alone with your spouse, a giggle from your baby, chatting with friends about nothing in particular, or in my case getting a chance to keep in touch with my elementary school friends and reminisce about things that happened 20 years ago in our lives.

It's strange that you can't help but smile now at things that made your knees weak two decades ago. But if it puts a smile to your face, and make your 9-to-5 bearable a bit longer, then do it and do that even more.

While a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel isn't too much to ask. There's no harm in keeping our hopes up.

May we all be safe and keep uploading those old pictures online!

totally

I've made it known clearly
You've provided your response
Let's not make it over the line
We won't visit the same road anymore

I totally understand

another.gone

Another year will soon pass and I'm not sure if I want to look back on it.

While not all things are bad this year, some really succeed in making me fall to the lowest point of my life and see everything draped in dark shadows with no lights in sight.

Then some other things are so good they bring joy to my life and tears of happiness.

This is yet another year to learn, fail, fight, rage, curse, achieve, discover, and grow up.

But, is it also another year wasted for me? Is it in this year when decisions are finally made and separation loom large?

It's almost gone now, and I really hope that I come out alright from it and have my skin thicker for the next one.

Just bring it on and come what may. The previous phrase looks good to the eyes, though I don't believe I actually have that mentality.

head down

I was waiting for my turn in the doctor's office this afternoon when it came right through my mind.

It's THAT simple. What a revelation.

The question is now whether I can fully committed to doing it and not to waver.

I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not the best person in the world to focus at what I do. Hell, "difficult to concentrate" is one phrase that you'll always see in the description for Gemini.

But I mean I'm really stubborn. Why can't I be stubborn for this thing? Don't look for silly reasons to let myself stray somewhere.

It's time to ACTUALLY do what I write. Head down, steam ahead.

yogyakarta

New Year's Eve
Fire in a nearby hotel
Watching at banci Malioboro curiously
Blurred pictures

Laughing faces
Throwing sandals into the room
For no reason at all
Her face, her smile

Long road home
Puffing last ever cigs at the back row
Knowing all would be gone once the bus stopped
Decisions to make, dreams to bury

Not a fairy tale
Nor a well-structured make believe
Just a memory to keep
When time is closing in

stumble towards each day

The past month was like a whirlwind to me. It came and went quickly, and I hardly remembered what I did then.

I was swamped with works, and was able to get out of it black and blue.

During that time, some things also became clearer to me. Things that I wouldn't ever consider previously, but now I could make a decision about them instantly.

All things that were dear to me were just swept aside. Whenever I had a bit of time to breathe, I just wanted to make use of it for myself. I needed that to stay sane and sober.

I was at the lowest points of my life most of the time, and everything was always looking grey and blurred to me. Even watching United also felt distant now.

Maybe I was just tired of the pettiness of life and everything about it.

sparks-less

Amidst all the smiles and exchanges of views
One thing stands out undeniably
Something that I've known long before
It doesn't take that long to know the truth
And I hate it when I'm right

room 821

It's still bright across the street
They're telling me that I'm not alone
And you're also there
Revealing new things that I haven't known before

Suddenly the world is getting better
At this lonely time of the hour